The Sum of All Fears

First of all it should be pointed out since Cami is out of town with her family the homemaking duties (which include blogging) have fallen to the husband of the house. To go along with the title of the blog I was going to take a picture of Cooper in just his diapers with food all over his face, Grace with clothes that didn't match and tangled hair all while they were sitting on an un-swept, un-mopped floor with all of the blinds in the house closed. This would be close to the sum of all of my wife's fears of what I could do wrong while she's gone. Unfortunately I couldn't encapsulate that in one photo and I didn't want child welfare services to get called to check up on me. I am including photo evidence that I am somewhat capable in getting the kids to church in a presentable manner, even though their clothes were laid out with a sticky note on them letting me know these were the clothes that were meant to be worn at church. It's an empty victory, but I'll take it.

I'm starting to think that my wife accounts for part of my brain when I'm at home so with her being gone this weekend I have had some issues. Today, for example, I wore my wool suit to church knowing that my son with a stuffy nose would be my responsibility for all three hours. I also decided to wear my white shirt that had a nice stain on the pocket so that there would be no real way to remove the woolen suit coat. Nothing really obvious, but I'm sure with Cami around I'd have a chance to clear my head and realize I was headed into an unmitigated disaster. Or maybe she'd just tell me- a fact I'm not willing to admit yet. The first hour at church went OK until I gave Cooper his bottle. He was so stuffed up he kept on choking on the milk. He kept getting more and more upset as he tried to drink. Towards the end of the bottle he went for broke and tried to pound the rest in a power suck. What ended up happening was he choked again then coughed causing a wide spray of milk, snot, and anger to shoot across about five people on the row I was sitting. That was my first fifteen minutes. The second hour I taught Sunday school and because of his nose situation I didn't feel good about pawning him off on anyone else. During the winter months we use Cooper as a space heater in the basement he puts off so much heat. Needless to say about ten minutes into the lesson I had sweat dripping into my eyes and Cooper had passed out on my shoulder from what I would assume was heat exhaustion. I'm not ashamed to say that I like the smell of my own musk, but the rotten milk/baby sweat/wet wool smell coming off of me by the end of Sunday school I will not claim as my own. My apologies to the Hodge and Funk families. They were polite enough not to move seats.

In conclusion I've found multiple reasons why I'm not a very good homemaker:

1. I forget to turn on Gracie's night-light every night. It's a small thing, but there's about a thousand small things Cami does every day that keeps things running.
2. I don't want to make the bed because I want it to be ready for a quick entrance in case there's a possibility for a nap. (For the record the bed was made and throw pillows were placed in their proper order every morning)
3. I hate throw pillows. I hate them so much.
4. I've forgotten to include vegetables at every meal so far.
5. Neither child makes enough of an effort to understand why Utah State got robbed getting a 12 seed in the NCAA tournament.
6. I'm only concentrating on getting the the next event (naps, meals, bath, etc.). What a horrible stay at home dad I'd be! Cami is always coming up with things to make their lives (and hers) more memorable and fun.
7. I stink at blogging. :)

I love my kids and I have loved having this time with them, but they are ready to have Cami back. Me too.